Loving Yourself Isn’t A Feeling—It’s Your Job

You were handed a human at birth.

No manual. No warranty. No return policy.

Just one instruction: take care of this human for life.

Most haven’t realized that’s their only real job.

The Forgotten Assignment

You spent years being raised by someone else. Then you ventured into the world expecting others to show up for you.

But that was never the plan.

The only person truly responsible for taking care of you is YOU.

You’re in your own care.

And that realization changes everything.

The arena of life has many opponents—disease, stress, toxic relationships, unfulfilled potential. But the most dangerous opponent? The one who neglects their own human.

The Self-Care Paradox

Ask yourself:

“What would I do today if I was truly taking care of my human?”

The answer looks nothing like what most of us do:

• Beating ourselves up for minor mistakes
• Surrounding ourselves with people who drain our energy
• Pushing beyond healthy limits to impress others
• Neglecting sleep to “maximize productivity”
• Consuming information and substances that poison our minds and bodies

We’d never treat someone else in our care this way.

Why do we do it to ourselves?

Loving Yourself Isn’t A Feeling—It’s Your Job

Here’s the truth nobody tells you:

Self-love isn’t some warm, fuzzy emotion that magically appears after enough affirmations.

It’s a daily practice. A responsibility. A job description.

You don’t even have to like yourself today to love yourself.

Liking can come later—after you’ve made yourself proud through consistent acts of self-care and growth.

Loving yourself is showing up for duty, even when you don’t feel like it.

Because you are your human.

The Self-Care Framework

1. Protection—Just as you’d shield a child from danger, protect your human from:
   • Toxic relationships that deplete your energy
   • Environments that compromise your values
   • Information that poisons your mind
   • Substances that weaken your body
2. Provision—Your human needs:
   • Proper nutrition, not whatever’s convenient
   • Quality sleep, not “when there’s time”
   • Movement that strengthens, not punishes
   • Mental challenges that grow, not overwhelm
3. Guidance—You’d never let your child make decisions based solely on immediate desires. Neither should you:
   • Direct your human toward long-term growth
   • Set boundaries that protect future wellbeing
   • Create systems that make good choices easier
   • Develop principles that withstand impulses
4. Compassion—When your human fails (and they will):
   • Offer understanding instead of judgment
   • Provide correction without condemnation
   • Focus on learning instead of shame
   • Allow rest and recovery after defeat

The Science of Self-Care as Work

This isn’t just philosophy. It’s biology.

When you neglect self-custody:

• Cortisol levels spike by up to 148%¹
• Inflammatory markers increase by 73%²
• Telomere shortening accelerates by 33%³
• Cognitive function declines by 21%⁴

Your body literally ages faster when you abandon your primary responsibility.

Chronic self-neglect isn’t just unpleasant—it’s lethal.

From Theory To Practice

How do you turn self-custody from concept to reality?

1. Morning Check-In
   • Before grabbing your phone, ask: “What does my human need today?” Not what your ego wants. Not what others expect. What YOUR HUMAN needs.
2. Decision Filter
   • Before each choice, ask: “Would I advise this for someone I love?” If not, why are you choosing it for yourself?
3. Evening Accountability
   • Ask yourself: “How did I show up for my human today?” and “What will I do better tomorrow?”
4. Weekly Assessment: Set aside 30 minutes to evaluate:
   • Physical needs (sleep, nutrition, movement)
   • Mental needs (learning, rest, challenge)
   • Emotional needs (connection, expression, boundaries)
   • Purpose needs (meaning, contribution, growth)
5. Responsibility Transfer
   • When you catch yourself seeking external validation, remind yourself: “I am my human. This is my job.” Transfer responsibility back to yourself.

Your Core Responsibility

Most seeking salvation from outside:

• Perfect relationship
• Dream job
• External validation
• Guru’s approval

They’re abdicating their one true responsibility.

No one—NO ONE—will ever care for your human as consistently as you can.

Not your partner. Not your parents. Not your friends. Not your therapist. Not your coach. Not even me.

Your human is in your care.

It’s not optional. It’s not transferable. It’s your life’s work.

The Transformation

When you truly accept self-responsibility:

• Anxiety drops—you’re no longer waiting for someone else to save you
• Decisions clarify—you know exactly whose interests you serve
• Relationships improve—you stop expecting others to fulfill your primary role
• Purpose emerges—your first meaningful contribution is to your own human

The paradox? When you fully embrace responsibility for yourself, you gain the freedom to truly serve others—not from depletion, but from abundance.

Your Next Move

1. Acknowledge your assignment. Say it out loud: “I am responsible for my human.”
2. Identify one area where you’ve been neglecting this responsibility.
3. Take one small action today as if you were truly caring for the human in your care.
4. Repeat daily.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about practice.

Because self-care isn’t something you achieve—it’s something you do.

Every day. For life.

Your human is waiting.

Are you showing up for duty?

Got insights about your own self-custody journey? Drop them below—I’d love to hear your take!

References

1. Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., Doyle, W. J., Miller, G. E., Frank, E., Rabin, B. S., & Turner, R. B. (2012). Chronic stress, glucocorticoid receptor resistance, inflammation, and disease risk. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(16), 5995-5999. ↩︎
2. Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K., Derry, H. M., & Fagundes, C. P. (2015). Inflammation: Depression fans the flames and feasts on the heat. American Journal of Psychiatry, 172(11), 1075-1091. ↩︎
3. Epel, E. S., Blackburn, E. H., Lin, J., Dhabhar, F. S., Adler, N. E., Morrow, J. D., & Cawthon, R. M. (2004). Accelerated telomere shortening in response to life stress. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 101(49), 17312-17315. ↩︎
4. McEwen, B. S., & Morrison, J. H. (2013). The brain on stress: Vulnerability and plasticity of the prefrontal cortex over the life course. Neuron, 79(1), 16-29. ↩︎